In this fifth and final post on the names of God, I have drawn from a time in my life when I felt totally abandoned by God. During that time, I learned that even when He seems to be far away, He is still Immanuel—the God who is with us.
In 1985 my husband lost his job of seventeen years. Although he made a six-figure income and we had no money worries, we had always lived modestly. Our lifestyle was not lavish by any standards, but, suddenly, without warning, everything was gone. For the next thirteen years we were destitute.
Having no income was scary enough, but I had ten children between the ages of fourteen years and two years, and I did not know how we were going to feed or clothe them. We had some savings and John’s retirement, but I knew that those would not last very long.
As I had come to know Christ better, I had tried to always live my life to honor Him. I made plenty of mistakes, but if I believed that He wanted me to do something, I did it—no matter how difficult. I could hardly accept that He had deserted us. I was not angry with God, but I was very sad. When I went to bed at night, I turned onto my side and cried silently. I decided that God must hate me. I know that belief stemmed partially from the fact that my own father deserted our family when I was only eight years old and I never saw or heard from him again. I became convinced that there was something about me that was so unlovable that no one—not even God—could love me. I had tried hard to be a good daughter to Him, and He had taken everything from us and turned His back.
One night as I lay crying myself to sleep I decided that I could not go on this way. I told God that I loved Him and I was going to serve Him, no matter what. I said, “You are God, and you have every right to hate me because you are righteous, but I am never going to leave you. I have spent fifteen years doing everything that I believed you wanted me to do, and I can’t turn back now. If you want to get rid of me, you’re going to have to kill me.”
Afterwards, I felt calmer than I had in a long while. I would like to tell you that everything immediately improved, but that is not what happened. I was only three months into the thirteen years, and the really rough times were still ahead of us. Nevertheless, I had settled in my own mind that my relationship with Jesus Christ is not about me; it is about Him. He is worthy to be worshiped; He is worthy to be praised; He is God.
Paul says, “When we have trouble or calamity, when we are hunted down or destroyed, is it because he doesn’t love us anymore?...I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels won’t, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God’s love away….nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us.” (Romans 8:35-39, Living Bible)
When we face life’s scariest moments, it is easy to feel that God has deserted us. It is then that we need to remember that just because we do not feel His presence does not mean that He is not present. We have His promise that absolutely nothing can separate us from His love.
C. S. Lewis wrote, “Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.” I cannot think of better advice for Christians everywhere. Each morning we must wake up with the knowledge that Jesus Christ is our source. Life is not about yesterday or tomorrow. Life must be lived one day at a time, relying on Him to supply our needs, to send other Christians our way so that we can fellowship with them, and to put the unsaved in our paths so that we may share our faith with those in need. And, through it all, we must always remember that we are never alone, for we serve Immanuel—the God who is with us.
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